A Dream: September 15, 2014

Context: I took two graduate courses with my husband during classes he took from 2012-2014. I got to know his cohort through those classes and some social situations.

The Dream: In my dream, I was in a structure that was supposed to be a school, but felt like a house. There were a lot of people around. Many of them were moving along to classes or milling about. I was with four or so of my and my husband's former classmates, but he was not with us in our small group.

One of these classmates, Damien, talked about some experience that made him uncomfortable. I noted mentally that the aspect of it that made him ill-at-ease seemed to be the change from routine. Later, we were supposed to take a class and had books in hand. When we were supposed to actually have the class, there was no teacher.

The sense that we were still responsible for "taking the class" despite the lack of one was palpable. In order to do this, I suggested that we each take a chapter of the book in turn and teach each other. Damien was also uncomfortable with this as well. Though I considered that it was the work he didn't want to do, my sense again was that he didn't want to do something new and the changes created anxiety. I confronted him with this second feeling that he was so uncomfortable with change that he didn't want to do anything different.

I also thought as I looked at the book that we wouldn't have enough time to do the entire thing if we did one chapter each week.

That was the end of the dream.

Analysis: Like many people, I am uncomfortable doing new things. Unlike some people, I often see this discomfort as something I should face and push through until the new situation is no longer uncomfortable.

Recently, I started swimming at a local pool with my husband. Doing it for the first time created a high level of anxiety for me for several reasons (my first time in a public pool ever, revealing my body "in public", not having swam for more than 30 years, not knowing the rules and the feel of the place or the people). After the first experience, I felt fairly good about it.

During the second (and most recent) experience, the "slow lane" (a lane with access to a lower depth) for people like me who aren't strong or confident and may need to stop and rest a lot was fairly crowded because it was a fairly hot day. I didn't like having to work around so many people, especially when one person seemed to plant herself at a corner of the lane and didn't move for 20 minutes of the 45-minute swimming time, but I generally didn't mind.

At one point, I was resting at one end and a woman in an adjacent lane asked if I was "using that spot or just hanging out". It was a strange thing to say as I had been swimming back and forth (with rests at the end) fairly regularly. I think she was agitated by people who she saw as just sitting in the pool and this was a form of soft bullying or an attempt to chastise me for a behavior she had growing frustration about. I replied by telling her that I was "resting because I'm weak" (and I am).

At the time, this didn't bother me too much, but I felt recurrent anxiety over the experience over the past several days. I even thought about how I didn't want to swim in that lane with strangers anymore and would like to swim in a lane with my husband if I could manage to be in a lane with no low-depth area to stand in. I also considered that I'd like to avoid swimming if it was too hot as more people show up to hang out and this situation is more likely.

It is possible that, in the dream, Damien is a reflection of my own anxiety related to this new and very different experience and my nagging feelings that I would like to turn away from this activity or change how I do it as a result of what was said to me.

Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating (1-10): 5