Context: I have had recurring dreams since returning to America about either going back to the job I held there for the longest time (12 years) or simply returning there to live and work again. In each of these dreams, the situation has always been fairly chaotic in that there was a good deal to accomplish before leaving and the deadline for departure was very, very soon. Often, there were enormous amounts of items (clothes, furniture, sundry possessions) strewn chaotically about the room I had to clear and I felt considerable stress and panic at having to try and sort through everything before the deadline. This dream, or ones like it, have occurred at least four times previously.
The Dream: I was talking to my former boss, Darryl, about coming back to work at the company and I told him after he said he'd give me my old job that I loved him. This was an expression of platonic affection, not romantic. (Note: Recently, Darryl "came out" to me on Facebook after having known me since around 1991. When he told me that he was gay, but felt bad that he had never told me, I told him that I had known all along (and I had), but I loved him all the same.)
Unlike previous dreams in which I had been planning to go back to my old job or Japan in which I had to sort through tremendous, seemingly insurmountable piles of stuff in order to go, I was in a relatively clear room and there was a small pile of clothes and a few other items that could easily be picked up and put into a single suitcase.
Analysis: I think that returning to my former job/Japan are metaphors for finding peace of mind or adjustment to life in America. The enormous clutter that I perceived in former dreams was all of the psychological baggage between me and feeling okay about being back in America. Recently, I've had some revelatory experiences (more on that in a future post when I have the time as it is complex) here that have helped me progress to a state of greater understanding and peace. While I still cannot say that I am "happy" here, I can say that I'm moving closer to at least not fighting back so hard.
Interpretation confidence scale rating: Since this was a progression of a dream that I've had so many times and that started with my life in America, it feels very much that this is an indication of some psychological progress. 9.5 out of 10
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Monday, January 12, 2015
Saturday, November 8, 2014
A Dream: November 8, 2014
Context: My father was diagnosed with bladder cancer within the last few months and has been undergoing treatment since then. His prognosis is encouraging, but the situation is never truly clear as he has good days and bad days depending on what sort of treatment he has received and how long ago it was last given.
The Dream: I cannot remember the portion leading up to the end of the dream, but my father supposedly jumped into a pool and nearly drowned. The general sense was that he did it on purpose. While everyone else (my sister and others who I could not identify) stood by as he lay (pale and anked) at the bottom of the pool, I jumped in and pulled him out and tried to get the water out of his lungs. I laid him over my shoulder (in the dream, he was much smaller and lighter than he is in real life - he also looked younger and had the body of a young man) and tried to angle his body to force out the water. I did so successfully and he seemed to be breathing again. I was relieved, but later, I was told that he died anyway for reasons that I have either forgotten from the dream or that were never asserted.
After my father died, I felt devastated and people around me seemed not to know or understand why I felt so bad. Everyone was indifferent to my suffering except for my former boss from Japan (Darryl). Darryl showed me a picture of his father, who had died long ago and explained that he knew how I felt because of his experience. The pictures in my dream were utterly clear and distinct. The first one was of a young woman with exceptionally long and wavy hair that looked as though it had been crimped. She looked like she was wearing something like a British school girl uniform. Tangentially, I should mention that Darryl is Australian, but I don't think that had anything to do with the picture's look.
There was another picture which showed Darryl's father with this woman with the super long black hair, apparently from a later date. Her face in each picture was always turned to the side so I could not see her clearly. The man with her was young, had a beard and mustache, and wore glasses. He was dressed casually in blue jeans and a T-shirt and looked a little like the image of a "hippie" or someone from the early 70's. These images were the last thing in the dream before I woke up as I began to engage in lucid dreaming when I saw them. That is, I wondered why these pictures in a dream were so incredibly vivid and real and were of people I'd never seen, but as if I'd seen them before.
Analysis: While I started typing the final paragraph of the dream description, I started to cry for reasons that I believe are related to the meaning of the dream, but were not clear in the moment. I don't think that my father in the dream is related in any way to my real-life situation with my father. I think that his death, resuscitation, and final death are symbolic of a lot of my hopes, dreams, and expectations of my life in America which have "died" again and again no matter what I attempt to do.
I have found a great deal of despair as of late because I feel insignificant and powerless in America. I came back to the U.S. feeling that I had something unique to offer and would find a path for myself through which I could fulfill my potential and offer those who worked with me something of value. I have found that I am largely invisible here and that people are so self-involved and superficial that I cannot be seen at all by anyone, let alone potential employers. I remarked last night to my husband that the prevailing mentality in the U.S. toward people is "meh". No one is seen as valuable or special and everyone is seen as ultimately replaceable including friends and loved ones. People are abandoned for arbitrary and petty reasons. People are rarely "heard" when they speak and mainly valued for their ability to act as an audience. I certainly have found the employment has been exceptionally difficult to find, at least in the way of any job which takes advantage of my talents and skills (which I can say are considerable, but not in areas of commercial value like computer programming or engineering).
I'm somewhat at a loss to understand the relevance of the people in the picture that were so realistic. I have had many experiences in a dream state or in moments between wakefulness and sleep in which I have seen faces which are crystal clear (like watching a movie or looking at a photograph) and they are people who I have never seen before in any way, yet they are clearer than the faces of people in the dreams.
I should note that I rarely "see" people in dreams, but have a sense of who they are. For example, I know my sister is my sister in the dream, but she doesn't look like she does in real life at all. No one looks like themselves in dreams, but I know who they are. This is directly opposite to the experience I have with the faces I see at times or the photo in this dream. I once saw a lecture on the parts of the brain and how the more active parts influence what aspects of dreaming or being in a semi-dream state affect what you may experience more vividly and I dimly recall (so I may be wrong) that seeing faces as I do indicates higher activity in the temporal lobes of the brain. I will discuss this tendency in another context at a later date.
The people in the dream could represent my husband and me. He has a beard, glasses, and, when he was young and he was prone to wearing jeans when he was younger. I have very long hair which is wavy, but it is strawberry blonde and not as long (and is not crimped) as the woman in the picture. However, I find that I always disassociate actual appearance (especially mine) from reality in dreams. Even if the pictures represent my husband and me, I don't see the relevance of them being presented as the deceased parents of my former boss. The only possibility in such a case, and I'm going further afield at this point, is that the young people in the picture represent the selves my husband and I were when we lived in Japan - selves that are now essentially "dead" as the way we were at that time does not exist anymore.
Interpretation confidence scale rating: Regarding the sense that the "death" of my father is parallel to my situation with my hopes and dreams in America: 9 Regarding the photo: 5.
The Dream: I cannot remember the portion leading up to the end of the dream, but my father supposedly jumped into a pool and nearly drowned. The general sense was that he did it on purpose. While everyone else (my sister and others who I could not identify) stood by as he lay (pale and anked) at the bottom of the pool, I jumped in and pulled him out and tried to get the water out of his lungs. I laid him over my shoulder (in the dream, he was much smaller and lighter than he is in real life - he also looked younger and had the body of a young man) and tried to angle his body to force out the water. I did so successfully and he seemed to be breathing again. I was relieved, but later, I was told that he died anyway for reasons that I have either forgotten from the dream or that were never asserted.
After my father died, I felt devastated and people around me seemed not to know or understand why I felt so bad. Everyone was indifferent to my suffering except for my former boss from Japan (Darryl). Darryl showed me a picture of his father, who had died long ago and explained that he knew how I felt because of his experience. The pictures in my dream were utterly clear and distinct. The first one was of a young woman with exceptionally long and wavy hair that looked as though it had been crimped. She looked like she was wearing something like a British school girl uniform. Tangentially, I should mention that Darryl is Australian, but I don't think that had anything to do with the picture's look.
There was another picture which showed Darryl's father with this woman with the super long black hair, apparently from a later date. Her face in each picture was always turned to the side so I could not see her clearly. The man with her was young, had a beard and mustache, and wore glasses. He was dressed casually in blue jeans and a T-shirt and looked a little like the image of a "hippie" or someone from the early 70's. These images were the last thing in the dream before I woke up as I began to engage in lucid dreaming when I saw them. That is, I wondered why these pictures in a dream were so incredibly vivid and real and were of people I'd never seen, but as if I'd seen them before.
Analysis: While I started typing the final paragraph of the dream description, I started to cry for reasons that I believe are related to the meaning of the dream, but were not clear in the moment. I don't think that my father in the dream is related in any way to my real-life situation with my father. I think that his death, resuscitation, and final death are symbolic of a lot of my hopes, dreams, and expectations of my life in America which have "died" again and again no matter what I attempt to do.
I have found a great deal of despair as of late because I feel insignificant and powerless in America. I came back to the U.S. feeling that I had something unique to offer and would find a path for myself through which I could fulfill my potential and offer those who worked with me something of value. I have found that I am largely invisible here and that people are so self-involved and superficial that I cannot be seen at all by anyone, let alone potential employers. I remarked last night to my husband that the prevailing mentality in the U.S. toward people is "meh". No one is seen as valuable or special and everyone is seen as ultimately replaceable including friends and loved ones. People are abandoned for arbitrary and petty reasons. People are rarely "heard" when they speak and mainly valued for their ability to act as an audience. I certainly have found the employment has been exceptionally difficult to find, at least in the way of any job which takes advantage of my talents and skills (which I can say are considerable, but not in areas of commercial value like computer programming or engineering).
I'm somewhat at a loss to understand the relevance of the people in the picture that were so realistic. I have had many experiences in a dream state or in moments between wakefulness and sleep in which I have seen faces which are crystal clear (like watching a movie or looking at a photograph) and they are people who I have never seen before in any way, yet they are clearer than the faces of people in the dreams.
I should note that I rarely "see" people in dreams, but have a sense of who they are. For example, I know my sister is my sister in the dream, but she doesn't look like she does in real life at all. No one looks like themselves in dreams, but I know who they are. This is directly opposite to the experience I have with the faces I see at times or the photo in this dream. I once saw a lecture on the parts of the brain and how the more active parts influence what aspects of dreaming or being in a semi-dream state affect what you may experience more vividly and I dimly recall (so I may be wrong) that seeing faces as I do indicates higher activity in the temporal lobes of the brain. I will discuss this tendency in another context at a later date.
The people in the dream could represent my husband and me. He has a beard, glasses, and, when he was young and he was prone to wearing jeans when he was younger. I have very long hair which is wavy, but it is strawberry blonde and not as long (and is not crimped) as the woman in the picture. However, I find that I always disassociate actual appearance (especially mine) from reality in dreams. Even if the pictures represent my husband and me, I don't see the relevance of them being presented as the deceased parents of my former boss. The only possibility in such a case, and I'm going further afield at this point, is that the young people in the picture represent the selves my husband and I were when we lived in Japan - selves that are now essentially "dead" as the way we were at that time does not exist anymore.
Interpretation confidence scale rating: Regarding the sense that the "death" of my father is parallel to my situation with my hopes and dreams in America: 9 Regarding the photo: 5.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
A Dream: October 4, 2014
Context: Last night, I read a review of a T.V. comedy series on the AV club which included Martin Short in its cast. Also, last night my husband told me a small detail about his childhood (that he liked to watch game shows when he was home sick from school and liked a particular show which he found on YouTube and we watched it).
The Dream: I don't know where I was, but the sense I got of the setting was that it was generally supposed to be my home (though it was not where I am living now). I was married, but not to my husband. In fact, I had somehow forgotten that I was married to a younger version of Martin Short. He looked like he did while dressed as a human in the T.V. mini-series "Merlin". That is, he had very blue eyes and blond hair (though shorter than in the show) - about as "dashing" as Martin Short can look.
I don't remember much about the dream except the end in which I realize that I don't know my "husband" (Martin Short) very well at all because I spend all of my time thinking about and learning about the man who is my real husband now. I feel that I've done my dream husband a disservice by not devoting attention to him and focusing on my real husband (though in the dream, he is not my husband at all - just a man who I'm drawn irresistibly to). Despite this realization and a momentary commitment (expressed internally to myself - not explicitly to anyone else in the dream), the moment that my real husband comes into the dream, I go over to him immediately and start cuddling with him.
Analysis: I believe that Martin Short entered the dream only as a placeholder based on my reading his name so very recently in the aforementioned article. My (real) husband in now way ever suffers any sort of neglect. In fact, if he suffers anything, it is an overabundance of attention and I know him extremely well. In fact, I frequently ask him to tell me something about himself that I don't already know. I'm not asking for secrets (we have no secrets from one another), but just some tidbit from his past that he may not have thought to mention.
I believe there are two possible paths of interpretation. One is that some part of me felt that I didn't really know my husband as thoroughly as I thought because he told me something new. This seems a somewhat shallow interpretation, but it is possible as a partial one. The deeper interpretation is that there is something that I'm not exploring in my life or digging too deeply in because I am too distracted by something that I find so much more attractive.
The main problem with the second interpretation is that I'm currently at a complete loss as to what such an issue might be. The distraction could very well be my husband. At present, much of our lives revolve around his interests rather than mine for various reasons. That being said, I don't have any interests which I am neglecting or putting off in favor of attending to his. I write. I read. I learn new things. I recently started volunteering at the local library to be an ESL partner for non-native speakers. I pursue what I want to pursue and never feel that my interests compete with his. I do accept that it is possible that my unconscious mind knows and wants to convey something that my conscious mind does not, but I could not pinpoint what that might be at this time.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating: Not knowing husband well interpretation: 4 (I have no sense that I don't deeply know my husband. It would have to be an idea which lacks depth and is built entirely around the recent nature of the new information.) Something about my life that I'm not getting into deeply in favor of attending to my husband's interests: 7
The Dream: I don't know where I was, but the sense I got of the setting was that it was generally supposed to be my home (though it was not where I am living now). I was married, but not to my husband. In fact, I had somehow forgotten that I was married to a younger version of Martin Short. He looked like he did while dressed as a human in the T.V. mini-series "Merlin". That is, he had very blue eyes and blond hair (though shorter than in the show) - about as "dashing" as Martin Short can look.
I don't remember much about the dream except the end in which I realize that I don't know my "husband" (Martin Short) very well at all because I spend all of my time thinking about and learning about the man who is my real husband now. I feel that I've done my dream husband a disservice by not devoting attention to him and focusing on my real husband (though in the dream, he is not my husband at all - just a man who I'm drawn irresistibly to). Despite this realization and a momentary commitment (expressed internally to myself - not explicitly to anyone else in the dream), the moment that my real husband comes into the dream, I go over to him immediately and start cuddling with him.
Analysis: I believe that Martin Short entered the dream only as a placeholder based on my reading his name so very recently in the aforementioned article. My (real) husband in now way ever suffers any sort of neglect. In fact, if he suffers anything, it is an overabundance of attention and I know him extremely well. In fact, I frequently ask him to tell me something about himself that I don't already know. I'm not asking for secrets (we have no secrets from one another), but just some tidbit from his past that he may not have thought to mention.
I believe there are two possible paths of interpretation. One is that some part of me felt that I didn't really know my husband as thoroughly as I thought because he told me something new. This seems a somewhat shallow interpretation, but it is possible as a partial one. The deeper interpretation is that there is something that I'm not exploring in my life or digging too deeply in because I am too distracted by something that I find so much more attractive.
The main problem with the second interpretation is that I'm currently at a complete loss as to what such an issue might be. The distraction could very well be my husband. At present, much of our lives revolve around his interests rather than mine for various reasons. That being said, I don't have any interests which I am neglecting or putting off in favor of attending to his. I write. I read. I learn new things. I recently started volunteering at the local library to be an ESL partner for non-native speakers. I pursue what I want to pursue and never feel that my interests compete with his. I do accept that it is possible that my unconscious mind knows and wants to convey something that my conscious mind does not, but I could not pinpoint what that might be at this time.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating: Not knowing husband well interpretation: 4 (I have no sense that I don't deeply know my husband. It would have to be an idea which lacks depth and is built entirely around the recent nature of the new information.) Something about my life that I'm not getting into deeply in favor of attending to my husband's interests: 7
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
A Dream: September 16, 2014
Context: My father-in-law (FIL, henceforth) lives in a single-story home ("bungalow") in an extremely affluent neighborhood. He is reasonably well off, but not "rich". He mainly gained his money by buying a home for a modest price in the 1970's and seeing the housing market explode such that the value increased from it's original price of around $40,000-$50,000 to being worth over $1,000,000. However, he sold half of that to his daughter and retains only half of the equity. Before he sold her half of the house (in which she presently resides with her family), he rented some of it to other tenants to get more money to purchase a second property in another state. The house is unusual in that it is divided into two homes on a single level (two kitchens, two baths, two living rooms, etc.), so he and his daughter live separately in the same dwelling.
In consultations with his children, it has been explained that each of his three children will equally inherit a portion of his half of the estate if any remains. However, my FIL is a very selfish person who values his comfort above all else. He spends without looking at price tags, though he does not have relatively "rich" tastes. He does indulge and spent $2,000 on a pure-bred dog and spends several hundred dollars a month on toys and special treatment for the dog. He remarked recently in a phone call to my husband that he did not look at prices and joked that, "I guess I'm spending your inheritance." He also said that he might come to regret his indulgence in the future.
The Dream: My husband and I were supposed to visit my FIL in his home, but he seemed to have forgotten. We went to his home and There was someone living on the first floor - ostensibly a renter. My FIL was living on the second floor. We (husband and I) pretended not to be relatives in order to understand the circumstances. We wanted to know how the house was divided between my FIL and the tenant and generally figure out what was going on.
The tenant was talking to us about the situation and how communal spaces were managed. My FIL suddenly came downstairs and was acting like we were the relatives that we were and I put a finger to my lips to get him to not say anything as we spoke to the tenant.
My thinking within the dream was that my FIL had somehow managed to squander too much of his (still fairly considerable) assets through carelessness and that this tenant was taken on as a result of that carelessness.
Analysis: I believe this dream was a simple reflection on recent interactions with my FIL and his guilt, nervousness, and insecurity as reflected in his volitional statements about his spending. It should be noted that my husband and I never comment on his finances or spending. He talked about these things spontaneously. I was simply "replaying" his words while I was asleep. The implication of his assertion that he may "come to regret" spending money without considering prices was that he could run out of money one day if he keeps this up. I believe that is how the tenant in the dream entered the picture.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating (1-10): 9
In consultations with his children, it has been explained that each of his three children will equally inherit a portion of his half of the estate if any remains. However, my FIL is a very selfish person who values his comfort above all else. He spends without looking at price tags, though he does not have relatively "rich" tastes. He does indulge and spent $2,000 on a pure-bred dog and spends several hundred dollars a month on toys and special treatment for the dog. He remarked recently in a phone call to my husband that he did not look at prices and joked that, "I guess I'm spending your inheritance." He also said that he might come to regret his indulgence in the future.
The Dream: My husband and I were supposed to visit my FIL in his home, but he seemed to have forgotten. We went to his home and There was someone living on the first floor - ostensibly a renter. My FIL was living on the second floor. We (husband and I) pretended not to be relatives in order to understand the circumstances. We wanted to know how the house was divided between my FIL and the tenant and generally figure out what was going on.
The tenant was talking to us about the situation and how communal spaces were managed. My FIL suddenly came downstairs and was acting like we were the relatives that we were and I put a finger to my lips to get him to not say anything as we spoke to the tenant.
My thinking within the dream was that my FIL had somehow managed to squander too much of his (still fairly considerable) assets through carelessness and that this tenant was taken on as a result of that carelessness.
Analysis: I believe this dream was a simple reflection on recent interactions with my FIL and his guilt, nervousness, and insecurity as reflected in his volitional statements about his spending. It should be noted that my husband and I never comment on his finances or spending. He talked about these things spontaneously. I was simply "replaying" his words while I was asleep. The implication of his assertion that he may "come to regret" spending money without considering prices was that he could run out of money one day if he keeps this up. I believe that is how the tenant in the dream entered the picture.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating (1-10): 9
Monday, September 15, 2014
A Dream: September 15, 2014
Context: I took two graduate courses with my husband during classes he took from 2012-2014. I got to know his cohort through those classes and some social situations.
The Dream: In my dream, I was in a structure that was supposed to be a school, but felt like a house. There were a lot of people around. Many of them were moving along to classes or milling about. I was with four or so of my and my husband's former classmates, but he was not with us in our small group.
One of these classmates, Damien, talked about some experience that made him uncomfortable. I noted mentally that the aspect of it that made him ill-at-ease seemed to be the change from routine. Later, we were supposed to take a class and had books in hand. When we were supposed to actually have the class, there was no teacher.
The sense that we were still responsible for "taking the class" despite the lack of one was palpable. In order to do this, I suggested that we each take a chapter of the book in turn and teach each other. Damien was also uncomfortable with this as well. Though I considered that it was the work he didn't want to do, my sense again was that he didn't want to do something new and the changes created anxiety. I confronted him with this second feeling that he was so uncomfortable with change that he didn't want to do anything different.
I also thought as I looked at the book that we wouldn't have enough time to do the entire thing if we did one chapter each week.
That was the end of the dream.
Analysis: Like many people, I am uncomfortable doing new things. Unlike some people, I often see this discomfort as something I should face and push through until the new situation is no longer uncomfortable.
Recently, I started swimming at a local pool with my husband. Doing it for the first time created a high level of anxiety for me for several reasons (my first time in a public pool ever, revealing my body "in public", not having swam for more than 30 years, not knowing the rules and the feel of the place or the people). After the first experience, I felt fairly good about it.
During the second (and most recent) experience, the "slow lane" (a lane with access to a lower depth) for people like me who aren't strong or confident and may need to stop and rest a lot was fairly crowded because it was a fairly hot day. I didn't like having to work around so many people, especially when one person seemed to plant herself at a corner of the lane and didn't move for 20 minutes of the 45-minute swimming time, but I generally didn't mind.
At one point, I was resting at one end and a woman in an adjacent lane asked if I was "using that spot or just hanging out". It was a strange thing to say as I had been swimming back and forth (with rests at the end) fairly regularly. I think she was agitated by people who she saw as just sitting in the pool and this was a form of soft bullying or an attempt to chastise me for a behavior she had growing frustration about. I replied by telling her that I was "resting because I'm weak" (and I am).
At the time, this didn't bother me too much, but I felt recurrent anxiety over the experience over the past several days. I even thought about how I didn't want to swim in that lane with strangers anymore and would like to swim in a lane with my husband if I could manage to be in a lane with no low-depth area to stand in. I also considered that I'd like to avoid swimming if it was too hot as more people show up to hang out and this situation is more likely.
It is possible that, in the dream, Damien is a reflection of my own anxiety related to this new and very different experience and my nagging feelings that I would like to turn away from this activity or change how I do it as a result of what was said to me.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating (1-10): 5
The Dream: In my dream, I was in a structure that was supposed to be a school, but felt like a house. There were a lot of people around. Many of them were moving along to classes or milling about. I was with four or so of my and my husband's former classmates, but he was not with us in our small group.
One of these classmates, Damien, talked about some experience that made him uncomfortable. I noted mentally that the aspect of it that made him ill-at-ease seemed to be the change from routine. Later, we were supposed to take a class and had books in hand. When we were supposed to actually have the class, there was no teacher.
The sense that we were still responsible for "taking the class" despite the lack of one was palpable. In order to do this, I suggested that we each take a chapter of the book in turn and teach each other. Damien was also uncomfortable with this as well. Though I considered that it was the work he didn't want to do, my sense again was that he didn't want to do something new and the changes created anxiety. I confronted him with this second feeling that he was so uncomfortable with change that he didn't want to do anything different.
I also thought as I looked at the book that we wouldn't have enough time to do the entire thing if we did one chapter each week.
That was the end of the dream.
Analysis: Like many people, I am uncomfortable doing new things. Unlike some people, I often see this discomfort as something I should face and push through until the new situation is no longer uncomfortable.
Recently, I started swimming at a local pool with my husband. Doing it for the first time created a high level of anxiety for me for several reasons (my first time in a public pool ever, revealing my body "in public", not having swam for more than 30 years, not knowing the rules and the feel of the place or the people). After the first experience, I felt fairly good about it.
During the second (and most recent) experience, the "slow lane" (a lane with access to a lower depth) for people like me who aren't strong or confident and may need to stop and rest a lot was fairly crowded because it was a fairly hot day. I didn't like having to work around so many people, especially when one person seemed to plant herself at a corner of the lane and didn't move for 20 minutes of the 45-minute swimming time, but I generally didn't mind.
At one point, I was resting at one end and a woman in an adjacent lane asked if I was "using that spot or just hanging out". It was a strange thing to say as I had been swimming back and forth (with rests at the end) fairly regularly. I think she was agitated by people who she saw as just sitting in the pool and this was a form of soft bullying or an attempt to chastise me for a behavior she had growing frustration about. I replied by telling her that I was "resting because I'm weak" (and I am).
At the time, this didn't bother me too much, but I felt recurrent anxiety over the experience over the past several days. I even thought about how I didn't want to swim in that lane with strangers anymore and would like to swim in a lane with my husband if I could manage to be in a lane with no low-depth area to stand in. I also considered that I'd like to avoid swimming if it was too hot as more people show up to hang out and this situation is more likely.
It is possible that, in the dream, Damien is a reflection of my own anxiety related to this new and very different experience and my nagging feelings that I would like to turn away from this activity or change how I do it as a result of what was said to me.
Interpretation Confidence Scale Rating (1-10): 5
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